36. A Liberal Definition

I have been trying to define and understand liberals for years now with only minimal success.  My first take is that they sound like children.  “But that’s not fair!” they constantly cry.  Who says something like that?  The only ones I can think of are eight year old school girls, certainly not adults. An adult knows that many things in life are not fair.  An even more mature adult knows that life has a way of balancing unfairness out, especially if one takes responsibility for one’s own life and actions. 

But my latest take on liberals is that they sound like women with battered wife/girlfriend syndrome.  Listen how they fawn over Obama and Clinton before him.  “He’s sorry, I know he really cares, he promises not to do it again!”  No wonder the campaign strategy of “Hope and Change” worked so well.  It says nothing and the meaning changes from person to person.  But it’s like that empty promise “He says he loves me and I know he’ll change”  Then BAM – the woman gets smacked around again and before she can file a law suit or think about voting for someone else the next time – the words flow fast and easy and before you know it we are back to “He loves me, he really loves me! He promises to be better and do better.  Plus he brought me flowers!”  Sort of makes you think of Obama giving out free phones.  “I promise to actually do something for the black community in my next term.  Just give me one more chance!” he pleads. 

But like a child or a battered wife, there is no reasoning with a liberal.  Facts are dismissed with, “I just don’t believe that,” “That can’t be true,” “But he promises….”

One of my favorite adages is “Never try to teach a pig to sing.  It wastes your time and it annoys the pig.” 

Same thing.  As conservatives, we just need to be patient.  Liberals will slowly eliminate themselves through abortion and listening to the government’s recommendations on health and diet. 

35. The Equality in Education and Entertainment Act

I don’t think I am exaggerating by saying the two most vocal opponents of capitalism and supporters of socialism are college professors and the entertainment industry.  I would like to propose a new law in which both industries are required to compensate all employees, regardless of position or stature, within a narrow range of ten percent.  In other words, there can be no more of a ten percent difference between the lowest paid and highest paid worker in a college or on a specific movie or television show.  This includes contract labor.

In researching this article, I found something quite astounding.  Not only the disparity of salaries among teachers in universities but also the disparity between men and women professors within university system.  Something I thought the left abhorred.  

How bad is this disparity?  A full professor at Harvard averages about $198,400 a year (not including benefits and tenure) while an instructor makes only $56,700.  At Cal Tech, the difference between the two is $172,800 to $45,300. These are averages, meaning some make much, much more than these high numbers. How Is this fair? And these numbers don’t include the administrative and support staffs and their likely low salaries (without tenure). So, I think colleges and universities should set the shining example for all industries and be forced by law to pool all salary monies and equitably divide it among the entire populace.  I know that liberals do not like to act for themselves and feel that only the government should set rules, so hence this law.

This same is true for the entertainment industry.  In movies, it isn’t unusual for one star to earn $10 to $20 million while a poor grip earns standard union base.  The disparity among the actors and actresses is also outrageous.  This again, is simply not fair. Within the Screen Actors Guild, the average actor earns less than $10,000 a year. Hey Julia Roberts!  How about a little fairness here!  All actors and actresses work hard on the movie or television show so why should one person make so much while others make so little?  Again, pool the salaries and divide it equitably. 

Now, I don’t think this act would actually ever pass, but I would love to see the responses in both industries if told this act had been introduced into Congress.  Watch them switch quickly and radically to the capitalistic end of the spectrum.  “Why I’ve earned this!” I can already hear them whine.